Please go to Parts 1 and 2 of this article.

So You’re in Court with a Narcissist.

What to Expect: An Informational Guide.
Part 3

By Jillian M. Tindall, Esq.

All rights reserved.  Portions copyrighted.

WARNING: The Following Information is Not Legal Advice

Any and all information obtained from this document is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. The following information is not meant to direct the actions of the person(s) reading/viewing it, and the reader/viewer is directed specifically to never take action on any information provided in this document. Instead, the person reviewing such information should consult a competent attorney in their own jurisdiction for professional legal advice based upon their own specific facts and circumstances. The following consideration points are for the reader’s information only.

Trial or Settlement Meeting. It may be that your best chance of settling your case is to be prepared for trial. This can be expensive and time-consuming. If the Court orders a settlement meeting, it will be necessary to attend, but don't expect the Narcissist to cooperate or to negotiate. It will be important to know your bottom line and to choose your battles. For instance, if you have limited time for trial, it may not be wise to try and prove financial misconduct, if the amounts are small, (perhaps many different transactions amounting to several hundred dollars). If you are in a no-fault state where cheating may be immaterial, it may be a wiser course of action to focus other evidence, such as a separate property contribution from money earned prior to the marriage towards the acquisition of an asset, such as a vehicle or house, especially if thousands of dollars are at stake, as opposed to hundreds. 

In other words, while it may be important to you to prove that the Narcissist is a cheat, keep in mind, the Court may not be interested in what is emotionally important to you. Keep your audience in mind and familiarize yourself with the law, and what the judge most likely will consider important, such as custody issues. 

For a settlement meeting, be observant of all deadlines for documents such as settlement exhibits, pre-settlement memoranda, updated financial forms, and anything else that is ordered. As with mediation, know what your bottom line is, and be firm yet pleasant. It will be helpful to have a spreadsheet available listing assets and debts and if alimony is at issue, historical earnings of both parties. Attend the settlement meeting, and expect your Narcissist to engage in smear campaign tactics, pretending to be the victim, lies and fabrications, delays, and anything else that will gum up the process. Perhaps the best that can be done is to prepare and attend.

Watch for bankruptcy. The Narcissist may pull out all the stops to impede progress of the divorce, solely to frustrate you. One such way that the Narcissist may complicate things is to file a bankruptcy, which could delay the divorce. It is an unfortunate possibility, and if it happens, the trial court judge may decide whether the divorce should be bifurcated, meaning certain issues being decided, in certain issues being left to decide after a divorce is granted.

It might be possible to petition the Federal Court to proceed in the State divorce Court. If the Narcissist files a bankruptcy, you may want to contact the federal court to see whether or not they have a self-help center available to assist you. Realize, although this can be upsetting, frustrating, and a hassle, it is possible that the Divorce Court may proceed with issues of custody, the status of the marriage, and other issues outside of the bankruptcy proceedings. If alimony is at issue in your case, you may want to hold off on dissolving the status of the marriage.

If Trial is Inevitable. For a trial, specifically, pay attention to any trial management orders issued by the court, deadlines for submitting witness list, exhibit list, any pretrial memoranda, document productions, exhibit exchange dates, the calendar call if your court has one, and any other deadlines set by the Court. Be sure that any Orders from the Court have clear deadlines for what is needed, keeping in mind that the Narcissist likely will drag his or her feet complying with the Court’s Orders.  He or she may purposely try to extend the litigation process and long as possible.  Thus, it will be important to comply with all rules for disclosure of witnesses and documents early.  Another tactic to expect is the Narcissist suddenly firing his or her counsel and then using that as an excuse to bump the trial to a later date.

Be organized. Disclose everything to the Narcissist far in advance and keep proof of when you disclosed which evidence, perhaps via certified mail or tracking, whatever is allowed by the court. This will hopefully defeat any arguments of needed to extend the trial for reasons of unfair surprise or late disclosed evidence. 

Know your opponent. What evidence and witnesses do you believe the Narcissist will try to proffer to the court? When did the Narcissist disclose his or her information to you? Because Narcissists do not like to follow rules, you may expect a flurry of documents thrown at you past the deadline, leaving you insufficient time to prepare for trial. Know which objections you will be offering to the Court and why. Will the admission of his or her evidence constitute an unfair surprise, or material prejudice? If the documents were disclosed too late to test them to see whether they are authentic, and to obtain rebuttal documents to refute them, the Court may not allow them in, especially if you produced all of your documents far in advance of the discovery cutoff deadlines.

-Do you have a list of my disclosures, when they were made, and proof of delivery?     

-Are you keeping track of the other party’s disclosures, and when they were made?

-Is any of the evidence provided to you which is an unfair surprise?

-What other reasonable objections do you have to the Narcissist’s evidence?

Did the Narcissist disclose his or her witnesses timely? If so, then what testimony do you anticipate from those witnesses? Are there any circumstances of untrustworthiness to any of the witnesses, such as defects of character, imprisonment for crimes of dishonesty, or any other elements of obvious bias, such as the witness benefiting directly as a result of their testimony? For instance, if there is an issue over ownership of a car and the Narcissist's sister is driving the car, it could be considered indicia of that witness having an independent interest in the outcome of their testimony.

Though it may not be easy, try to have some cross-examination questions for each witnesses, if possible, to try and impeach their character. It also may be helpful to try and anticipate their areas of testimony and have rebuttal witnesses if time allows.

-Who are his or her witnesses, and what is their anticipated testimony?             

-Can you prove them wrong?    If so, how?  Do you have any tangible evidence?          

-Are there character flaws or obvious bias issues that can use to impeach them?

If you have counsel, ask him or her what you can expect prior to Court.  What is your particular judge like?  How should you behave at the hearing? If the Narcissist or their attorney puts you on the stand, breathe, and remain pleasant.  It may be best to keep your answers as short as possible, unless you are reiterating your own position from your own agenda, but if it is on examination from an attorney, still keep your answers short.  If something is asked of you that you do not understand, don’t guess; ask for clarification. 

Avoid drama. Do not roll your eyes, raise your voice, or become overly emotional. If the judge ask questions directly, answer, explaining your position concisely. 

Be respectful of the Court’s time. If you are handling your own case, prepare an outline of issues and present them in the order of importance. Confirm your witnesses several days in advance, and the day before, trial, and be sure they know the location of the Court. Expect the Narcissist to tell all lies to the Court.  Do not let him or her rattle you from presenting your best evidence.

Know the court. Is it possible to observe your judge in open court? You may decide to sit in the galley if it is permitted and take notice of which issues are important to the judge in other hearings. It is doubtful that the court would allow you to observe a trial, but you might consider calling the judicial department and asking it is acceptable.

The Decision. Some judges render their decisions from the bench that day, and some judges render their decisions on paper days, weeks, or even months later depending upon how busy the department. The judge may order you to prepare a decree of divorce or a decree of custody after the trial. It could be helpful to speak with the court clerk and find out if there are minutes (a brief description of what happened at the hearing prepared by the clerk of court for that department) for you to refer to when you draft the Order. 

Some Courts keep video records of the proceedings that you may be able to obtain also.  If the judge renders the decision at the hearing be careful to take accurate notes. You might want to find out beforehand whether a video record will be available so that you do not stress unnecessarily. If you do not understand any of the judge's orders do not be afraid to ask! Be sure to observe the deadline, if any, to provide the order to the court, and find out where you are supposed to submit it. See if your court has blank forms for Orders after a trial. Your court may have a self-help center with such forms available.