THREE Rules for Divorcing Spouses
Every divorce is stressful on both of the parties. One spouse may be anxious to move on, and the
other may be wondering what happened. Regardless of your interest in getting on with this or trying to
survive the surprise, you need to take a deep breath and relax. if you want to reduce anxiety and costs,
here are a few simple rules:
1. The Judge doesn’t care about what you want. In divorce cases, the judge sits in the
Chancery Division of the court . . . the part that seeks equity for all the parties in the litigation. The
judge is required to make decisions base on the law, common sense, and best interests of the children
absent of your desires. A good example is child custody cases. In these cases, the standard is the “best
interest of the child”. When lawyer market themselves as “dad’s rights lawyers” or “mom’s rights
lawyers” consideration of the law, the judge’s sole consideration, is abandoned. The Judge is required to
do what is right for the children. This requires parents to set aside their personal interest, desires, and
wants, and focus on obtaining what the law provides. If you break rule #1, it will cost you lots of money,
time and most importantly, your sanity.
2. Always work on settlement - not litigation. It is important to remember that fewer than
2% of divorce cases filed in New Jersey go to trial. The cases that go to trial usually involve families
with businesses, multiple homes, stocks and bonds, real property assets and the like. If you are a W-2
worker, even a seven figure W-2 worker, your case should settle. Spend your time and energy and
money getting to settlement as quickly as possible. It is significant to note that there is a greater chance
that you will get what you want through settlement and compromise than hoping that the judge will grant
want you want after a long, attenuated trial. Settlements must be in writing so your goal is to get the
settlement on paper as quickly as possible.
3. Hold on!!! Hold on until the divorce is over. Many spouses find it difficult to wait for
the orderly termination of this marriage before they move on to the next relationship. So, if you have
another person in your life, your spouse should not know who this person is, and you certainly should not
be introducing this person to your children. This would be true under any circumstance. In addition, no
matter how much you dislike the way your spouse, eats, snores, or nags, you should sit tight in the
marital home until the conclusion of the divorce process.
If you have any questions about this topic, e-mail Cassandra Savoy, Esq.
at: csavoy@cassandrasavoy.com, or call at (973) 748-0097
Lawyer Login